Love and Understanding
I’m suppose to be doing homework. That’s what I blocked this time for. But I’ve completed all I can do for right now until I get back home to my MacBook Pro where all my sources are linked for my most recent assignment. (25 words or less, Anita….) I hear that phrase these days when I go on a ramble. I’m not even sure where it came from, but there it is…so…to add to that…
I had a conversation recently with someone that didn’t know I have a queer family. Didn’t know I have a trans daughter. But when I told them, I wasn’t afraid of what they’d think because whenever I’ve told someone, it’s been a feeling that I needed to share. This most recent conversation was pivotal for the person I was talking to. The FIRST thing they asked me was, “Well, what do you think about the kids getting those surgeries and now they can’t turn back?” This led to me educating them about the VERY long process of psychotherapy, medical doctor visits, the process isn’t as quick as FedEx delivery. I’m not sure where people get that notion. Parents aren’t taking their kids to the doctor as ‘woke liberals’. They are taking their children to get the medical help they need for their child.
Let’s recap…what we know about medical procedures in the U.S. How many times have you or someone you know complained because they couldn’t get a surgery or medication that they needed due to insurance issues? Think about how hard it is sometimes to get the medical attention you need for average healthcare. Children are not getting their genitals ‘mutilated’. Children aren’t getting life changing procedures on a Friday that they were dragged to the doctor for on a Monday. Doctors are not giving in to fantasy thoughts of children. Children know who they are on a deep level. I can’t and won’t pretend I know what it feels like to be so uncomfortable in my own body, knowing it doesn’t match what I feel in my heart and in my mind, but the children that do, have a hard time dismissing this idea.
My heart goes out to the children who have chosen to end their young lives to escape an unsupportive family, a community who has already indoctrinated them to believe that there are only 2 genders. Or that love can ONLY exist between a man and a woman. Or one man and one woman, at that. But that’s another topic.
No amount of science can change the minds of many religious and/ or uneducated people that there is a spectrum in between. Or that a human can be formed in the womb with the body of one gender, but the brain doesn’t match that. And this makes me sad for the ones that are born into that environment and angry at the folks that perpetuate their beliefs knowing their child is hurting.
The person I was speaking to came out to me with feelings they’ve had since childhood that they have never understood. And they confided in me other parts of themselves that they have had decades of torture over due to the family torment. The parents were adamant that they wouldn’t tolerate anything other than white/ white male/female unions. “That’s just how nature made it and how it’s gonna be,” kind of mindset. The parents couldn’t be more wrong about the natural part of that. They aren’t religious people, so it’s not coming from there, but this is probably where the deep-seated belief comes from, passed down through the generations. The foundation fades, but its teaching doesn’t.
Besides the fact that I believe that every attraction & gender identity and everything in between belongs to the individuals and never to another individual or group of ANY kind (including family), it most certainly is NOT a lifestyle. I am so tired of that. A lifestyle by definition is a way a person lives. On the surface, that word seems like it would apply. But we don’t say ‘heterosexual lifestyle’, do we? Because lifestyles are by choice. A style is a choice. You make the conscious decision to dress the way you dress, do your makeup the way you choose, how you decorate your home. Who we fall in love with or are attracted to isn’t a choice. It’s biology, Baby! So we need to remove ‘lifestyle’ from the discussion. And “I don’t agree with…” There is nothing to agree or disagree with. Other people’s relationships aren’t up for your approval.
I guess I’m feeling a little protective of my queer loved ones. But I’m always open for questions and heartfelt discussions. What I’m not up for is being told that someone is going to hell for who they love or how they want to be addressed.
And again…I feel this bears repeating…do not…I repeat do NOT ask a person about surgery. Don’t inquire if they will or won’t get top or bottom surgery. Think about that for a second. You are asking someone about their genitals. “Are you going to trade your vagina for a penis?” I’ve politely, (though some didn’t deserve my patience) told people to get out of my child’s pants when I’ve been asked. What the hell difference does it make to you? DO NOT ASK. Go search for articles about people that have shared their experiences.
Regrets about surgeries. I’ve also been asked about the ones that have regretted their surgeries. Yes, it happens. But so does regret for breast augmentation (a gender affirming surgery by the way), vasectomies (gender affirming), tubal ligations, knee surgeries, carpal tunnel surgery, cosmetic procedures, all the surgeries. “But this is different, this changes a person’s whole life!” Google Christina Evangelista. She would agree with you on the changing a person’s life. She says her procedure caused enormous damage. Regret, and damaging depression aren’t limited to transgender surgeries.
I implore you…do your research. Children are not being talked into surgeries by scary parents looking to pass an agenda. Parents are seeking care for their children’s mental health and physical well being that sometimes happens to be a transgender child.
The person asking about this at the beginning of this entry was astonished to learn how much goes into the care of the child by professionals before a decision for surgery is even discussed. It’s not the first thing that happens. Far from it. And thanks to legislation like SB-150, it’s going to be even more difficult for parents to get the care for their child who desperately needs it.
Posting unedited on 9/25/23. If I make changes, they will come later when I have time to reread this…
Peace.
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